Guilty Heart
by Peggy Schultz
Summary: Alternate Universe. Sometimes amidst a sea of despair, you can find salvation through the heart of a rival.


Disclaimer: The Star Wars characters and the Star Wars universe that I borrow from, belong to George Lucas or Jude Watson. The story belongs to me. I am not making any money from this.  
Author: Peggy Schultz

Guilty Heart

Characters: Siri, Obi-Wan, Xanatos, and Adi Gallia.

Timeline: JA Alternate universe. Obi-Wan is 19 and 25-years-old.

Rating: PG

Summary: Alternate Universe. Sometimes amidst a sea of despair, you can find salvation through the heart of a rival.

Author's Note: This is different from what I normally write, but I had the idea and just had to write it.

Guilty Heart

The storm made its presence known with a loud rumble that sounded like two starships crashing high in the skies above. Instead of flames and debris falling from the crash, drops of water spilled from the sky. At first, the drops were slow and barely noticeable on my skin as I tried to keep up with the quick strides of my prey. Soon, however, the light rain turned into a full downpour. I felt as if I was standing underneath the waterfalls of Naboo enjoying the cool water after a tiring day in the hot sun.

A bolt of lightening split the sky ahead, temporarily lighting the area. I saw clearly, now that the young man I was following had stopped walking, he was waiting for me; he must have sensed my approach, I berate myself for not shielding myself better. My steps only faltered slightly before I pressed on with a deep breath. I thought I would have had more time to think about what to say to him. Consoling friends was not my best quality; of course, I don't have a lot of close friends. He did, though; he had three close friends that he could talk to about anything. They would not hesitate to help him; his friends would have called out to him and started the conversation sooner. His friends, however, were not here now. I was all he had.

"Why are you following me?" Obi-Wan demanded sounding harsher than he most likely intended. Taking a deep breath he added, "you're going to get sick," in a tone closer to his usual tenor.

"So are you," I pointed out. He didn't say it, but I saw it in his eyes, he didn't care. Judging by his Master's earlier treatment of him he probably believed the man did not care either.

At a loss for what to say I noticed a cave in the canyon wall, at least it looked like a cave. A large crevice split the cavern wall; it was big enough for us to crawl through the opening. Grabbing his hand, I pulled him toward it. I was surprised when he allowed me to lead him without complaint. He even followed me inside the cave without question. It was unlike him. The Obi-Wan Kenobi that I was accustomed to did not act this way. I haven't seen him since a week after his first Master died.

"You don't need to do this Siri," Obi-Wan spoke softly form the side of the cave. He wasn't far away from me, but he had retreated to the wall farthest away form me.

"Do what? What do you think I'm trying to do?" I questioned him, I wished I could see his face, but the cave was too dark. I could only see his outline as he allowed his back to slide against the cave wall as he sat on the dirt covered ground. I could not help, but wonder if he had hurt his back in doing so.

"You don't need to pretend to be my friend, Siri. You've hated me since I left the Jedi order. I will be fine, you don't…"

Ignoring the older Padawan's words completely I walked the few feet that separated us and sat down next to him. I never imagined he had thought I hated him. In truth, I have harbored an attraction for him that I tried desperately to hide for a couple of years now. I thought it would be better to treat him like a rival than to try to be his friend. I thought my plan was working; I could spend time with him dueling or showing off my kata skills, but not let him know how I feel so that I wouldn't have to deal with the pain of knowing he didn't feel the same. I never took the time, however, to stop and think about what he might think.

"I don't hate you. What happened on Melida/Dann was a long time ago; I was just a kid, so were you. Believe it or not you don't have to be perfect, we all make mistakes even that blaster brained Master of yours."

"I've made too many mistakes," Obi-Wan commented dryly. He did not sound anything like the confident young man that always teased me and challenged me to frequent lightsaber duels.

"Obi-Wan your Master is the one who made the mistake not you. He assumed you didn't listen, but he wasn't there. He doesn't know what really happened. My Master is talking to him; she will explain to him why you left the apartment."

"Yes I know, and like always he'll apologize, and suggest we duel, then on a mission in a few weeks or even a few months he will do it again. He doesn't trust me that is why he believes everything I do is wrong."

"But he can't be your Master if he doesn't trust you," I shake my head. "You could go to the Council, you could tell them, they'll find you another Master," I told him. My Master had witnessed first hand how Obi-Wan's new Master had treated him. She would help him I knew she would.

"They know Siri. Why do you think you and Master Gallia are with us? Last mission Master Windu was with us, before that it was Master Mundi. Our next mission will be another Master or Knight."

"But why?" I questioned as the thunder roared outside. A strong wind blew the cool rain into the cave as lightning briefly lit our surroundings. The momentary light was enough to allow me a glimpse of her companion's pain filled face.

"Because I won't let them take me away from him. He made a promise to Master Qui-Gon-Gon just before he died to train me. I can't let Master Qui-Gon down."

"But he wouldn't have wanted him to treat you so badly," I assured him.

"Doesn't matter," he simply said. "It's what I deserve. I'm the reason he is dead, I can deal with the lack of trust and his hatred toward me. I only have a few years before I take my trials. Master Qui-Gon wanted me to become a Knight, even though I killed him. Sometimes though, I wonder if it's really worth it. I don't deserve to be a Knight; I should have died instead of Master Qui-Gon. That's why after I'm Knighted I will leave the order for good this time."

"Obi-Wan, don't say that," I told him. I could tell by the change in his breathing that he was crying. I wondered if he had ever really allowed himself to grieve properly after his first Master died just over six months ago. "Master Jinn died to save your life and still you had nearly died. You did not set the explosives in the building that caused it to collapse. You were injured and Master Jinn did what any Master would have, he shielded you from further injury, just as you would have done for him had your positions been reversed.

"If it weren't for me, we wouldn't have been in there in the first place. I was angry that Xanatos was on the mission with us. Master Qui-Gon was always more proud of him than me. Even when I won the lightsaber tournament two years in a row, and Xanatos only one it once, it wasn't good enough. The day he died, I argued with him over Xanatos. I was rude and I acted like a child not a nineteen-year-old. I needed to have time away from him, so I went into our apartment building to get my cape because it was raining just as it is now. The lift tubes were broken, so I used the steps instead. I could sense Master Qui-Gon behind me so I ran.

"I was so damned jealous and angry that I didn't even sense the danger. The first explosion shook the building, I lost my balance, and I fell down two flights of stairs and finally stopped on the landing just above my Master. My hand and my leg were both broken, and I… I think I hit my head when I fell because Qui-Gon was more concerned with my head than the rest of me. He picked me up and started running back down the stairs. The building was already filled with smoke and the screams of people who were in the building. We were almost out of the building when it began to collapse all around us. Master must have known that we wouldn't make it out because he dropped to his knees, laid me down on the floor, and then covered me with his own body. I woke up two weeks later in the Healers Wing of the Temple. He should have left me to die and saved himself."

"Padawan," the voice of Obi-Wan's new Master Xanatos said through the mouth of the cave. "If Qui-Gon hadn't shielded you with his body you both would have died. He knew that, and chose to make sure that you survived, although you nearly died anyway. It was not your fault, and I do not hate you. Padawan Tachi your Master is waiting outside. Go back to the apartment with her while I speak with my Padawan."

I hesitated a moment unsure if it was a good idea to leave them alone. I touched Obi-Wan's thigh lightly to assure him that I would be there after he spoke to Xanatos if he needed me. I then reluctantly crawled back out of the cave and out into the rain as Xanatos crawled further into our temporary shelter.

The thunder and lightning had moved into the distance, but the rain remained. As the raindrops slid down my cheeks, I felt somewhat relieved, as my Master turned to look at me, that she would not be able to tell my tears from the raindrops. I had never seen Obi-Wan so upset before. It broke my heart, although a part of me was glad he had chosen me to confide in.

"Master?" I asked as I looked into her compassionate eyes.

"They will be fine; they both have a lot to talk about. You can turn off your com link now," Adi grinned at her, "although it was very helpful for Xanatos to hear your conversation and also helped us find you quicker, it is no longer needed."

I quickly reached into my tunic pocket and pulled the device out. I could feel my cheeks turn crimson as I realized that I must have brushed against the activation while trying to keep my hands warm inside my pocket. I quickly deactivated it before I spoke. "Master Xanatos treats him so…. Should we really leave them alone?"

"Siri, he is a Knight who is grieving for his former Master just like Obi-Wan. We are here to help him train Obi-Wan. Xanatos requested to have a Master accompany him, because he's never had a Padawan before, and until his promise to Qui-Gon, he never wanted one. Once Obi-Wan can see past his grief and guilt over his Master's death, he will be more open to see that Xanatos doesn't hate him and that he has blown all the misunderstandings out of proportion. If Obi-Wan had allowed a bond to form this would not have taken so long."

I nodded at her, feeling suddenly guilty for being so quick to believe Master Xanatos was at fault. I then followed Master Gallia back toward the apartment building we were staying at.

It was nearly six years ago. In that time, Obi-Wan Kenobi and I have became true friends. Of course, we still try to compete to see who is better at katas and duels, but we are more than rivals. Sometimes we are more than friends. Last night after his Knighting ceremony, he kissed me after assuring me that he was not going to leave the order now that he's been knighted.

It's hard to believe that just six years ago we weren't even friends. It's even harder to believe that my choice to follow Obi-Wan, despite not knowing how to help him ended up being the catapult that would help two "lost Jedi" trying to deal with the loss of a Master find each other. I remember how worried I was that night so long ago as my Master and I had sat in the apartment waiting for their return. They had stayed in the caves for hours talking. Now they are more like brothers than Master and Padawan. Tomorrow they will leave for their first mission together as fellow Knights to the planet Naboo to negotiate a trade dispute. I have a feeling that something will go wrong on the mission, but I have confidence that they will overcome it together.

The End


End file.
